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Topic Title: WHAT IS THAT?!?!
Created On: 03/26/2009 01:36 PM
 
 10/17/2013 12:51 PM

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marie33

I am sorry you do not like it when people ask you about your accent when it is more of a speech impediment, Amari. Still, I suspect you sound great and no one even knows. I do not want to minimize your concerns, though.

Scars are truly a curious beast: they come in different shapes and sizes. I have a few, and my thoughts about them tend to vary from mood to mood.

For example, if someone mentions one of my scars, I usually feel it is a good opportunity to openly talk about it. However, if I wake up on the wrong side of the bed (for whatever reason), I must admit I am not nearly as eager.

Yet, I cut myself slack; I think we need to cut ourselves slack, too.
 08/30/2012 04:36 PM

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AmariT

I think that most of the time people are just curious. We ask each other questions all of the time out of curiousity (such as what do you do as a living, are those nails real, and where is your accent from), most of which don't bother people at all. I think scars are a more sensitive topic because some people are embarassed about them. I personally never mind when people ask me about my scars because it gives me an excuse to tell interesting stories about myself, but I absolutely hate it when people ask me about my accent because I don't have a good answer. As it turns out, I don't have an accent but a speech impetiment, and what seems to people like an innocent question about my heritage typically goes wrong when I try to explain that, no, I'm not from out of the country like they think I am, and they keep pressing for a reason why I talk differently. [br][br]Like Marie said, if no harm is meant, than both as people who ask questions and people who answer them, we need to be sensitive and understanding.
 08/30/2012 12:01 PM

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marie33

Here are my thoughts. [br][br]I think most people mean well, although their motivation does not always project in their comments (I cringe when I think of some of the stupid things I have said). They are curious, or feel bad for us, or want to solve what they perceive is a problem. Therefore, they offer advice or say what is on their minds, but the delivery is lacking in thought or sound judgment. Because they probably do not mean harm, I think we need to cut them some slack.[br] [br]However, if someone says something that is intentionally cruel (like that scar looks ugly), then the person should be told he/she is rude. Rudeness is not acceptable.
 02/27/2012 06:48 PM

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Cher777

It is strange, Alex, you would not think anyone would give you grief for having a scar, but that is not always the situation. [br][br]I have a chest scar from childhood open heart surgery that never faded to the degree I would have hoped (yes, it is visible). One year while vacationing in Bermuda, I wanted to rent an umbrella at the beach. I was told there were none left, but one was on the ground. I asked the woman if I could rent the one on the ground, and she told me it was broken like me. At first I did not know what she meant, but she pointed to my scar and said, "See, you are broken just like that umbrella." [br][br]Hmm, I guess it takes all types to make the world go round. Actually, after I got over the shock, her comments made me stronger.
 03/26/2009 01:58 PM

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PennyO48

I had 2 extensive surgeries on my right scapula as a child, which left me with major scarring, covering half my back. The keloids were lumpy and discolored. I was very self-conscious about what I considered a major defect. It affected everything - I was a ballet dancer, and the class/rehearsal/performance clothes all revealed those ugly scars. 'What is that?' was the question from every new person I worked with. I avoided bathing suits, the beach, swimming pools... I made up exciting stories about how I got the scars. Sometimes, large, many-lobed blood blisters formed at the perimeters of the scars - doctors had no explanation, except that maybe keloid formation caused blocked capillaries to burst. I had blood on the back of all my blouses and dresses. Bra straps rubbed. But in the past several decades, the appearance has faded somewhat. Then, too, at 60, I just don't care as much. But I do remember the terrible self-consciousness, and the feeling that I was 'damaged.'
 03/26/2009 01:36 PM

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CarolynC

I could not agree more with Alex, hiding scars is definately tough! I've had a round keloid scar about the size of a half dollar coin in the middle of my chest since I was about five. I'm 23 now. After multiple injections with steroids and other crazy treatments in order to make my type of scar go flat, it finally went flat, but it still stayed bright red. Now, when I was a kid, showing off your cleavage and wearing a little bit more revealing shirts wasn't a big deal. So i stuck to crewnecks and t-shirts. When high school hit, that's when I started being a lot more self conscious. My dermatologist recommended a make-up called DermaBlend and without it, I'd still be in those crewnecks and tee's. Around my friends I don't really care if the make-up fades out so you can see a little of the red. In college, I was hanging out with my roommates who are some of my very close friends and one of their boyfriends was over. I thought I knew him pretty well and was comfortable enough around him for him just to know I have a scar and not question it. I guess I was wrong because that day he looked right at my scar and said "WHAT IS THAT?!?!" as if he had just seen a ghost. Absolutely ridiculous. To this day I will never forget that. People are usually rude on a daily basis about it if they're close enough to see I'm covering up something by staring, but noone has ever been as rude about it as this guy was. However, as you can tell I still wear the lowest cut shirts I can find if I want because self- confidence is key!

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